Jojo's Hotties of 2005

12th December 2005 - Soul Mate Hottie of the Week:

Recently Jo read this book Vince & Joy, about two people who meet when they're kids or something, and only fall in love and get together 20 years later. Yeah something like When Harry met Sally, except without Meg Ryan and that fake orgasm in the cafe.

Anyway, it was all romantic and stuff, and delved into the whole issue of soul mates. You know, that there's one person out there that you're destined to be with, someone born just for you and you alone. Someone that you might've asked Mr. Sandman for ("Yeeeeeees?"). After reading that book, she developed a huge craving to watch the celluloid equivalent. Well, it's not really a celluloid equivalent since you can only find it on DVD these days... so really it's more like a plastic equivalent...

Moving along, Jo really wanted to watch Serendipity, that delightful gem of a movie starring Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack. So the moment the weekend kicked in, we galloped to the video store and picked it up.

Kate Beckinsale you may remember as the vampire girl from Underworld and the vampire-hunter from Van Helsing. Yep, she plays both ways. Anyway, also of note was Pearl Harbor which although a shitty movie, starred both The Affleck and Josh Hartnett. I have nothing much else to say about Pearl Harbor... I just wanted to mention two of my favorite Hollywood stars. It was a shitty movie, but we watch in the video store all the time anyway because Justin's got the biggest crush on Kate Beckinsale.

Ooh... an important point. Although she's British, she doesn't seem to have British teeth like Jamie Oliver, so lots of bonus points for Kate indeed.

So without further adieu, here's your Soul Mate Hottie of the Week:

KATE BECKINSALE:
"It's a sign! They're all signs! "

9th November 2005 - Random Email Hottie of the Week:

This week's Hottie is... well... we don't really know who she is. I'm asking Jo who she wants to be the next Hottie, and she's like too swamped by her work and exams to really dig around for one. But anyway, one of her friends just so happened to send her an email with pictures of a particular "Kelly Monaco" in a Maxim photoshoot.

So there you have it. Google her and you'll find that she's currently acting in General Hospital and she's a model... I don't really know what else.

Anyway, here's your Random Email Hottie of the Week:

KELLY MONACO:
"Do you know who I am? Or are you just ogling my goodies?"

25th October 2005 - MJ Effect Hottie of the Week:

Once again Jo and I are wandering around thinking of whom to put up as the new Hottie of the Week. Well, we walked by a TV showroom thingy, and all the fancy flatscreen TVs were playing a Beyonce concert. In it, Beyonce was dancing around wearing a really really weird and not so flattering outfit... like an "I dream of Jeannie" gone wrong sorta outfit.

So Jo's like, well make Beyonce the new "Can wear any ugly outfit but still look good" hottie... but it just so happens that right now Beyonce is caught up in a little controversy concerning her appearance on the latest issue of Vanity Fair.

Radar Magazine recently attacked Vanity Fair for allegedly lightening the color of cover girl Beyonce's skin in order to make her "less black." Vanity Fair denies it, of course. The magazine's publicist, Yvette Noel-Schure, says, "There are very fair-skinned black people in the world and Beyonce is one of them." Personally, I have no idea what the real color of Beyonce's skin is. I've seen her all light and fair-skinned in some pictures, kinda dark in others... and kinda caramel in-between in yet some more. Film and lighting plays a lot into it, I guess... but Ashanti's skin color seems pretty consistent in photos. Ditto Alicia Keys. Beyonce on the other hand...

So what gives? I dunno, not since Michael Jackson (and maybe Eminem) has the media really kicked up that big a fuss about someone's skin color, right? Either way, Beyonce's pretty hot, so here she is, the MJ Effect Hottie of the Week:

BEYONCE KNOWLES :
"Did you color correct me again?"

4th October 2005 - Repeat Hottie of the Week:

So Jo and I were walking around, and I'm asking her who the next hottie of the week's going to be. And she's thinking of that girl in some magazine she saw ages ago wearing bodypaint with the New England Patriots logo on it. But she can't find the image, so she can't figure out what to do. Then we see a poster for that new movie Into the Blue, starring that blonde guy from She's All That (whose since gotten more popular despite being in shit movies), and of course there's Jessica Alba wearing some swim-wear.

So she turns to me and says "Jessica Alba." And I'm like "but she was already a hottie of the week. She can't be a hottie of the week again."

Then Jo gives me one of her evil glares, and I succumb to her whims like the little bitch I am.

So here she is, your Repeat Hottie of the Week:

JESSICA ALBA:
"Haven't I seen you here before?"

16th September 2005 - Pixellated Hottie of the Week:

The other day I was walking around the cosmetics section of a departmental store with Jo, and we noticed a really really low-res print out of Jessica Biel in one of the counters for some make-up brand or something. It was pixellated as hell and was obviously a low res picture enlarged to fill up a page.

Now you see, I like Jessica Biel. I think she's hot. Not hot enough to warrant sitting through a whole episode of 7th Heaven, but hot nevertheless. Jo on the other hand, thinks she's somewhat of a ho and finds her really unattractive. Yet for some unknown reason, Jo decided that this low res pixelly image of Jessica Biel made her look hot. Why? We couldn't decide.

Anyway, that's when she decided that she wanted to make Jessica Biel the next hottie.

So here she is, your Pixellated Hottie of the Week:

JESSICA BIEL:
"What the hell's a 7th Heaven anyway?"

11th July 2005 - Comic book adaptation Hottie of the Week:

Last weekend we went to see Fantastic Four and Jo went totally nuts over Sue Storm, aka Invisible Girl, aka Jessica Alba. Well, she went nuts over her AND Chris Evans (aka the Human Torch aka the Jock from Not Another Teen Movie)... but mostly she went nuts for Jessica Alba.

Of course, Jo hasn't seen the atrocious piece of garbage that is Honey, Jessica Alba's debut Hollywood film since she got so famous in Dark Angel. Honey is an example of how just being hot, even if you're as hot as Jessica Alba, just isn't enough to carry a movie.

And that's what happened to the Fantastic Four. It had Jessica Alba wearing a skin-tight spandex suit with the zipper practically down to her bellybutton while everyone else was zipped up to their chins. It had Jessica Alba stripping down to her underwear TWICE. It even had Reed Richards accidentally walking into the bathroom while she was stepping out of the shower. But did any of these save the movie? No!

Anyway, the next time we'll see Jessica Alba will be in Sin City. What I don't get is, after all the gratuitous flesh showing and everything in Fantastic Four, how come she's now suddenly got some no-nudity clause in Sin City? Robert Rodriguez did everything else to preserve the original comic, but suddenly Nancy Callahan is now wearing a leather bra when she's topless EVERY SINGLE TIME she appears in the comic?

Luckily Sin City has more going for it than just Jessica Alba looking hot. It's got Brucey, it's got Rory from the Gilmore Girls, it's got Josh Hartnett... and it's a Robert Rodriguez movie.

Anyway, here's your Comic Book Adaptation Hottie of the Week:

JESSICA ALBA:
"Your flava's hot!"

1st March, 2005 - Ninja Kicking Hottie of the Week:

A while back, NFL Quarterback Jeff Garcia was all over the news. Not since dropped from the 49ers had he been in the news... and this time it wasn't exactly good publicity either. In between playing football for the Cleveland Browns, Garcia was spending his time in court! And not because he pulled a "Randy Moss" and pushed a traffic cop down the street with his car, but because his girlfriend got into shit.

Now that's something. I mean, there's hair pulling, there's scratching, slapping (forehand and backhand), drink tossing, bottle smashing... but this is really something vicious! Pyschotic even! The last time I heard about something like this was when Michelle Rodriguez allegedly beat the shit out of her flatmate for reasons unknown. But Michelle Rodriguez I can understand... she's a tough chick with a bad attitude. My question is: What the hell is Hugh Hefner feeding those bunnies?

So poor Jeff got to spend some time in a courtroom hiding from Terrell Owen's comments about his lack of arm-strength and poor passing ability. In the meantime, he's still with his Playboy Bunny girlfriend, and should another ex-girlfriend come along and start some shit, she'd better bring it, lest Carmella somersault kicks her right out of a window.

I'll never complain about Jo's temper again. Well, not for a while anyway...

Anyway, here she is, our Ninja Kicking Hottie of the Week:

CARMELLA DECESARE:
Haiyah!!!

More Pics of the event.