|
|
|
|
 |
Archive (January 2003) 24th January, 2004 [Happy b'day, Rhiannon!] Nate's in Barcelona! So while he's there, let's just all hope that nothing disastrous happens to him, and that he'll get back home safely at the end of his trip, a'ight? 23rd January, 2004 Happy Chinese New Year to all you ricey readers out there! Those of you who live in Asia will know that this time of the year marks Chinese New Year, or Lunar New Year... or something like that. Anyway, the asians decided that they didn't want their new year to start at the same time white people have their new year, so they picked an obscure time like "The fourth full moon of the year" or something like that. Usually it lies on the same day as the NFL Pro-Bowl (which my sister and I will try to watch while being shipped from house to house visiting lots of different friends and relatives), but this year it was before even the Superbowl. Anyway, 2004 is the year of the Monkey... so hurray for Munky! --- Okay, one Chinese New Year tradition that bugs the hell out of me is when my mom drags me to the Temple to pray. Okay, aside from it being a total waste of my time, what really bothers me is the insane amount of people who also have the same idea and will all cram into one badly ventilated temple and all decide to burn Joss sticks at the same time. Okay, that's the thing I hate most about Buddhism: joss sticks. The smoke from joss sticks stings my eyes, drives my sinuses insane, and makes my clothes stink! And if that's just one joss stick, imagine what it's like when I'm in a badly ventilated place with a whole shitload of people all burning joss sticks (and since it's a temple some people burn the jumbo sized super-joss sticks too)... especially when all of them like to shove and push, and drop bits of joss stick ash on your flesh. I hate the shoving and pushing that goes on there. I guess there's not much you can do when there's no traffic lights and all you have are a shitload of people rushing from altar to altar. It's all made worse by the constant whining of some monk chanting some weird whiny chant... which only serves to assault your brain. Sometimes I really just want to get up and just yell to every single person there: "Instead of praying for better grades and a girlfriend, why don't you fuckers try studying and socializing instead?" I can sorta see what the appeal of buddhism is though... In Christianity you have one god. Just one. So if you pray for good grades, more video games and a girlfriend, and should the one god decide to turn you down, you'd be completely fucked and end up with nothing. In Buddhism however, there's a different god for everything. So you could burn joss sticks for the gods of education, entertainment and love, and you can hope that at least one of them decides to smile on you. You're playing the odds. And as far as I know, you don't have to go to the temple every Sunday... just every now and then when you feel like praying. And I guess images of a jolly fat laughing buddha guy are a lot more appealing than a sickly dying naked man nailed to a cross. Although someone has to do something about that endless chanting and bell ringing. Oh, one last thing: when I was at the temple, there was this old woman who would ring a bell whenever someone made a donation to the temple. I made a smart-assed comment to Mainey about the simplicity of her job and how a monkey could do it... and when it came to my turn to drop some money into the slot, she didn't ring the bell for me! Maybe she overheard my comment? But she doesn't speak English! I think Buddha told her not to ring the bell for me or something. 21st January, 2004 I woke up the other morning, and realized with a certain tinge of despair that I am now living in a society that is almost completely devoid of courtesy. Courtesy... it's a tiny little 3 syllable word, but really it means so much more than that to those around you. A simple smile or a polite greeting can make just enough difference in someone's day to rejuvenate their faith in humanity. The lack thereof could possibly crush their spirit more and drive them further into depression. So really... is a smile and a polite greeting really that much to ask for? I bring this up because I've come to realize that I'm assaulted with a barrage of impoliteness every single day. Whether it's by the people who absolutely refuse to wait a few seconds to allow the alighting passengers to exit the train, or the people who shove past you without so much as an "excuse me" or a basic "sorry". It's nothing major... it's not like they raped your spouse or keyed your car... but still... it's pretty fucking annoying, and after a while all the annoyances build up and it all goes to shit. --- The bathrooms in camp are amazingly gross. The other day I found a foot print on the fucking toilet seat. What the hell is that? And if that's not bad enough, I found pubes in the sink! Pubes on the urinals are bad enough enough... but this was in the sink! What the hell was that guy doing? --- Did anyone else notice the viagra ad that someone put in my guestbook? 19th January, 2004 [Happy b'day, Baby-Poo!] 10th January, 2004 A'ight... so the updates have been rather infrequent lately... Sorry about that, but my time lately has been taken up by the army and spending time with Jo. You guys know Jo, right? She's the China bride I ordered from www.sincere-asian-brides.com. She's got a 30 day money-back guarantee, so I'm going to spend as much time as I can with her until those 30 days run out and I have to decide whether I want to keep her or not. So far I've gotten quite used to being referred to as "zhu-ren" (it means "master" in Chinese) in the third person; having my companion walk obediently 5 paces behind me with her head bowed; and she speaks only when spoken to. She's better trained and more well-behaved than Snowy & Drakey! It's great! I should order more brides from Guangzhou! Maybe I'll surprise Dave with a Zhang Ziyi look-a-like for his birthday: ---
Languages: Chinese, English, a little bit of Japanese
Self Description: I am a pretty, charming, feminine, kind-hearted, tender, passionate, and romantic girl. I love life, nature, and music - these are 3 major things for me. I can also speak excellent English. Comments: The man I hope to meet should be unselfish, sincere, faithful, sensitive, romantic, genuine, responsible, caring, successful, and he should be healthy, tall and handsome (so no Japanese men please). Growing up in China and studying in Japan has shattered my hopes of ever getting sexually fulfilled, so I will be content with even the poorest of lovers and the smallest of penises (but don't worry, I will still scream my lungs off in bed as if I was getting the fuck of the century). --- I'm sure Dave will love a present like this one. Although, like budgies, younger ones cost more than mature adults, so maybe I should check out the discount clearance bin for some more mature-aged (but affordable) brides. I think that's where my cousin found his wife from. Okay, I'm suddenly grossing myself out with this stuff. I find the idea of ordering a bride from the internet and treating women as a commodity somewhat... disgusting. I dunno, maybe I'm just kinda too traditional and conventional. Okay, I should just return Jo to her homeland. --- I won't be updating this site for another week, because I'm going to be detained in camp because my medical unit will be on Red Alert Standby because some US Nuclear Warship is going to be in town. So you know, in case it blows up we can all go there and try to absorb as much gamma radiation as possible in the hopes of becoming the Hulk. Alternatively, I can hope to be bitten by a radiactive spider and become Spiderman. That'll be much better. Although Spidey gets that whore-ish Kirsten Dunst, whereas the Hulk gets the oh-so-pretty Jennifer Connelly. At any rate, I won't be allowed out of camp for a whole week... so erm, yeah. --- Don't forget the Zouk flea market tomorrow! Head on over and pick up your Big Evil shirts! 4th January, 2004 New Year's resolutions! What are my New Year's resolutions this year? Resolution 1: Well, I think I wanna stop thinking I'm so ugly and unattractive and stuff. It's sorta like how you're not supposed to complain about not being super-duper-rich and stuff because everytime you walk around in the city you see people living on the streets begging for loose change, and that reminds you to feel fortunate that you're not them. In the same way, I shouldn't complain about not looking like Tom Cruise and having bad skin, because I see people on a daily basis who are well and truly ugly folk. Like Icky for instance. I mean, how can I complain that my teeth aren't perfectly straight and my complexion isn't silky smooth when he's... well... him. So instead I'm going to start looking on the bright side of things, and feel happier knowing that I'm a lot less unfortunate looking than a lot of people out there... especially my relatives who have skin that looks like they've just been stung by a million bees, or been pooped on by Drakey for years without cleaning the poop off so it's all hardened and dried up. Oh I'm glad I didn't get much of those genes. Do I sound harsh? Maybe I do... but I'm putting this all on a positive spin. I'm not saying: "These people suck for being so ugly." I'm saying: "I'm so lucky I'm not these people." I'm sure they have wonderful personalities that rip assholes out of mine, but I have a disarmingly charming smile :] Resolution 2: Keep in touch with you guys back in Sydney. Simple enough, right? Resolution 3: Be more productive and make more videos. Yeah, I think that'll do. --- When Simon was around here recently, I met up with him and Billy & Ag. Ag was telling us about how she hated the Lord of the Rings, and she put up with the monotony of the book and ploughed her way through most of the book, but finally giving up with about a mere 50 more pages to go. I dunno... why would you give up so close to the end after devoting so much time and effort to it? It's like as if you're having some bad sex. It's been 40 mins of lacklustre humping, and you're probably within 10 or so minutes of reaching a so-so climax. Would you just give up after 40 minutes and just pull out (or pull him out and roll over)? I would probably just go the few extra minutes just so I can conclude the experience... even if I know the conclusion wouldn't be anything special. An ending's an ending after all... it's closure at the very least. --- Hey if you're in need of new clothes for 2004, and you live in Singapore, go and check out Zouk this Sunday 11th January because Big Evil shirts will be sold there at the flea market! And if not, there's always SMU the Sunday after! Big Evil is now armed with a brand new range of new designs, now being printed with new ink and new squigies, on new shirts! Check out the website for details and images of the new stock! 3rd January, 2004 I just got back from medical center duty... and can I just say that it sucks! I'm barely two weeks back into the army and already I'm feeling the weariness of having been there for years. Oh yeah, that all really sucks. What sucks even more is one particular medic there. Let's call him... Icky. Not only did I have to do his fucking guard duty for him on the first weekend back because he was somehow on leave for a church camp on the day of his duty, but he's an asshole. I mean, aside from having the regular negative traits of dislikable people (you know, like being unattractive, overweight, etc) he's also got a pretty fucky personality too. DISCLAIMER: The following update contains themes which may offend religious and/or tight-assed readers. Reader discretion is advised. He's taken to carrying this holier than thou attitude when he's around me... I'm not sure why, but I'm sure it's because I drink, have pre-marital sex, am socially active and have a personality. Because of these three facts, Icky was giving me shit for having, and I quote, "loose morals." Fuck you, Icky! What the hell does that mean? "I've heard that people who go to places like Australia come back with loose morals." I shit you not, that's exactly word for word what this fat unattractive bastard said. Whoa... why don't you just go off and rip into my home for a while? I mean, that's not offensive at all... not in the slightest! I mean, how does one return a courteous gesture like that? Should I make insensitive remarks about the evils of organized religion and how the Church is nothing more than a hate-monging cult? What the hell are loose morals, anyway? If I drink and have sex, does that make me worse than a person who doesn't drink or has sex purely because he has nobody to drink or have sex with? ("But I do drink alcohol! I have a glass of red wine every week to wash down that wafer!") And just what the hell is wrong with that anyway? I don't rape children, manipulate or lie to my friends, and I don't cheat people of their hard-earned money. So already I'm better than the Church :] Okay, to be honest I really don't have that big an issue with the Church. So I apologize if you got the impression that I despise the Church or something. A lot of my close friends are Christian or Catholic, and it really doesn't affect our relationships at all. It's these other holier-than-thou fuck-holes who come along with their snooty fat asses who really piss me off. They give religion a really bad name, because it's backward-assed fucks like them who start shit like the Inquisition and the Crusades. I mean, today he'll be giving me shit for coming back from Australia with loose morals... next week he'll be giving another medic shit for coming back from Iran as a Muslim. When will the persecution end??? --- Drakey took a bath willingly! I didn't have to spray him with a plant mister or anything... I just filled up the bathroom sink and he waded around in it like a duck! I don't have any photos though... maybe next time! Unfortunately, Drakey also managed to break his favorite set of plastic rings. I'm not sure how he managed to do it, but I found the purple ring in two pieces... shit that beak of his is getting pretty fucking strong! Next time annoying kids bug him, I'll just let him out of his cage and he'll be able to crush their windpipes with his beak! 2nd January, 2004 [Happy b'day, Simon!] 1st January, 2004 Happy new year to everybody! I hope everyone had a nice tidy end to 2003 and a good start to 2004. You know, unlike the Vikings who got knocked out of playoff contention by a freak last second 4th and 24 touchdown pass. By the Cardinals... of all teams... blah!
|
