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Archive (June 2003) 30th June, 2003 For the past couple of days, the site was translated to German for the benefit of our German readers (of which there are currently none, but hopefully that all changed in the last two days). But the novelty has worn off, and now we revert back to our regular English text. --- Oh, and I just found out that some kid got busted by his teacher for browsing my website during class. He was at the opening page, and the teacher's like: "Hmmm... this looks interesting. What is it?" only to be greeted by a picture of Mike Shinado saying: "Hi! I'm a dicky little bitch." The teacher wasn't too impressed. I dunno, I thought that was pretty funny. --- I got way too drunk last night. I'm still feeling woozy from all that vodka, so I think I'll go lie down now. Oh, and 142 is my new high score in bowling. I know nobody cares, but I'm stoked. 26th June, 2003 Is it just me or some dumbfuck skaters out there can't spell? And I don't mean just dumb shit like "d00d I sk8ed the sIcCest shit and fukd up a gnarly half-cab." I mean really fucking retarded spelling. Like... this same dipshit can spell "board" both correctly and as "bored" in the same sentence... like: "I broke my skateboard, so I boght this new Element bored with some bullshit trucks." Here's some more: Ok, i wuz sk8n at 1 uv the sk8 parks in my town and this damn kid who wus dressed up like they went to harverd( they had the dimond pattern vests and thier stupid little short shorts). "i was skatin n the street an this lady pissed me off so i broke her gas tank and threw my boared at her back window and it broke" This was pretty retarded I thought. Oh well, what can you expect from poseur skaters in message boards trying to compare dick sizes with one another, right? They seem to screw up a lot spelling the word "board"... weird since it's part of the name of their chosen sport. Well, I thought only skaters liked to compare dick sizes on message boards, but apparently that extends to Bird Discussion Forums too!!! I was cruising around Bird forums to learn more about taming budgies and I found that bird enthusiasts can be quite hostile towards one another too. Like: "Wat? 4 months n ur bird can't say it's name yet? i had mine fer 6 weeks and i trained it to summersalt!" What's with that? I figured that bird owners would be more chilled and helpful to one another... but I guess they're just as fucked up as skaters too. Well, most of them sound pretty cool... just a couple here and there being complete dickheads. Speaking about dickheads, I'm oh-so-iffy with discourteous people at the moment... but I'll leave that for another update. 25th June, 2003 Woah it's been a full 10 days since I last updated, and why? Well, I guess a lot of it had to do with Simon being in town and we were too busy getting drunk for me to really get the chance to update anything... and even if I did it would be done whilst in a drunken stupor and then we'd have updates about as understandable as a David Lynch movie. --- Those of you who receive Simon's mass-mails about his trip around SE Asia (and read them) will know that last week he dragged me to see Ju-On: The Grudge, a Japanese horror flick from the guy that wrote Ring. In that email he said that I spent half the movie with my hands over my eyes... something I don't deny. Of course, I still peered out from between my fingers... just enough to read the subtitles. The thing is... I've watched a shitload of horror movies before, including both Ring movies (Jap and US remake), Ring 0, and a whole other bunch as research for PMS2... and I know the usual horror techniques like low-frequency sound cues, high pitch violin shocks, slow panning, OS action... that kinda shit. And everytime I smelled one of these creepy bits coming on, I'd freak out even before the spooky kid appeared. I dunno... this is a new phenomenon for me. I managed to sit through all of Ring and The Ring okay... sure I freaked out but I never freaked out till I wasn't even staring at the screen. I think it's getting worse... I have a major-assed fear of spooky images... the movies don't really scare me, I guess... it's the image of the damn spooky kid or long-haired demon-girl that fucks me up, to the point where just about any Japanese or Korean girl with long straight hair not wearing fluffy socks will scare the shit out of me (except Jess, cos she's just too pretty to be scary). I see it in the corner of my mind almost 24/7... I just assume whenever I turn around I'll come face to face with something horrible and spooky. And now, there's some Korean girl in uni who's known simply as "The Demon-Chick" because I'm convinced she looks like Sadako in Ring 0, and I've made this fact very clear to anyone who would listen to me. And knowing that I get freaked out by these horror flicks, do I repeatedly go back for more and more? Why am I deliberately depriving myself of sleep and mental stability (cos I sometimes go haywire from an overload of tension... tension that exists only in my head of course). Urgh... like Steven Neil says... "It's like waking up the morning after with a huge hangover and swearing off heavy-drinking, only to do it again next weekend".
--- But I understand that while I'm scared shitless of spooky Japanese chicks (and their spooky blue-skinned naked kids), there are others out there that are totally love ricey chicks. And I've found the perfect place to go nail Japanese girls if you're into that sorta thing: Japanese Prisons. According to this article here, Japanese prison chicks get so horny that they'd do just about anything or anybody just to get some. I mean, dig this: "Some women had to revert to reverse sexual harassment, like asking a cleaner in his 50s if they could feel him up, just so they could relieve their stress." I mean like... woah! That's some seriously depraved shit. But oh, it gets worse! Apparently, a highlight for them is finding a frog and using the little critter as a vibrator! I guess someone forgot to tell them that in the fairy tale the princess kisses the frog first to transform it into a prince, BEFORE fucking the prince. Here's a funny quote from the same site: "When I was 18, my boyfriend of the time told me that I was getting loose. Looking back, I realize now that it was only because he wasn't fully erect." Goddamnit... reading more from that site... I've just realized how horny Japanese society really is... and it ain't just the stereotyped old married Japanese businessmen and the naughty tentacles of Higashiyama, it's EVERYONE there. I've just read about tour guides blowing old men, schoolgirls fucking cab drivers for free fares... man these gooks do it all! --- While we're in the topic of horror chicks... today is Vampire Mel's birthday. She turns 26. Do vampires age? And more importantly, since they have blood going through their veins and stuff... do vampires PMS? I mean, if you opened a vampire's bathroom cabinet, are you going to find a pack of tampons behind the toothpaste? 15th June, 2003 It's my little sister's b'day today, so let's just all wish her a happy 14th, shall we? HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAINEY! --- Anyway, the other day Nate and I went to videotape some footage of a Manual-kickflip out of the Martin Place manual pads. It was actually pretty uneventful apart from a lawyer and his client arguing and bitching about someone called Charlie that the lawyer didn't like much at all. A tech trick like a manual-flip-out isn't exactly a high risk trick where Nate might end up crashing and burning at high speeds to result in injuries like this ugly wound incurred at the Bridge Banks:
"Shit! I think I got blood on my new jeans!" - Nate "Deal with it. Chicks get that on a monthly basis." - Me So without big bails and horrifying injuries to keep me amused, I went people watching. And so here are the Asses of Martin Place!
Martin Place Hot Ass
Martin Place Dumb-Ass There was also this guy that looked like a clone of Tate... but I didn't manage to get a shot of him (though I did glare at him and made him feel uneasy). And some delivery guy bikers who were doing wheelies for the camera... but I didn't care. --- Anyway, I'm taking a short holiday in Singapore for the next two weeks or so, so I'll see those of you up there soon! --- And yes, the Ducks lost the Stanley Cup. I'm very upset, and somehow Tam and Corinne's "There's always next season" consolations weren't too comforting. Probably because they were cheerfully pocketing my $20 at the time! I don't understand! I was eating a shitload of garlic bread and beer. It's probably because I didn't have any BBQ Shapes or something. I was listening to the Alicia Keys CD that Jess burnt for me... and she was crooning "How come you don't call me anymore?" Okay, like Japanese porn (where the jap chick is screaming her head off as if she's getting the fuck of the century even though she's being penetrated by something about the same size as a cigarette), I just don't buy it. I'm sorry, but it's something that doesn't make sense to me. When Kasey Chambers sings: "Am I not pretty enough for you?" I can accept that as a likely scenario, because Kasey Chambers looks like... well... Kasey Chambers. But Alicia Keys? Well, she looks like this:
Piano playing chicks are HOT Now who the hell wouldn't call her? And for that matter, why is she singing stuff like: "I think I'm jealous of your girlfriend." It's like Eminem saying he's jealous of Vanilla Ice! --- Tonight is the big game! Actually, the big game has transpired... but I'm watching the replay at seven. Until then, it's the usual desperate attempt to maintain a total media blackout so I won't know the score beforehand... I guess that means NOT flicking on Sportscenter and seeing a split-second image of a certain team cheering... which I've done twice already (why must Sportscenter be on just before the replays?) Break out the beer and garlic bread! 6th June, 2003 The Ducks just lost 3-6 to the Devils. Why? Because I thought that after they scored a goal 42 seconds into the game I wouldn't need to consume any garlic bread after the chinese takeaway I had from Noodle Star. But I was soooo wrong. Now I'm drowning my sorrows in beer, and come the all important game 6 in Anaheim this Sunday (AUS time), I'll be eating a shitload of garlic bread. Big Brovaz are a bunch of ugly dumbfucks. 5th June, 2003 I really should be doing this stoopid design assignment, but honestly, I just can't seem to find the motivation to do it. So instead I'll just update the site and write something. I dunno... anything. Because I've been hearing comments that I appear to come across as some kinda demented anti-social psycho due to my angsty updates on this site... I'll try not to do any of that shit today. Because I'm not a psycho. I'm actually very sensitive and laid back. I'm a nice person... not to the point where I'm some Nice & Decent dickhead... but nevertheless I'm nice and friendly. --- Anyway, nobody cares, but tomorrow night is Game 5 of the Stanley Cup Finals. The Ducks are tied with the Devils at 2-2 after an amazingly exciting Game 4, and I'm totally stoked. Every game has its superstitions and traditions... like how hockey players will NEVER ever touch the Stanley Cup unless they've won it (touching it otherwise jinxes you), or how players start growing playoff beards for luck during the postseason. Well I've got my own... I call it Hockey Garlic Bread. I watched Games 1 and 2 of the Cup finals, and the Ducks were shut out in both games. Then whilst watching Game 3 with Bernie and Tim, I quickly ducked into the kitchen during the 2nd period after a scoreless 1st period to rescue some garlic bread from the oven. And the moment I picked up the roll of garlic bread, what do I hear but "SCORE! SCORE SCORE SCORE!!!" And I bolted back out with my oven mits still on and what do I see but Marc Chouinard skating around with his stick in air doing a victory dance. After 143 minutes of hockey without a single Duck goal, they had to score just when I'm in the kitchen. But at least they scored. Then later that game, I reached down to grab some garlic bread, and the moment I averted my gaze from the TV to the yummy yummy garlic bread, what do I hear but "SCORE SCORE SCORE!!!" It's official... Garlic bread helps the Ducks score goals. We watched Game 4 without any garlic bread, and the game went into overtime without any goals. So there! I'm buying Garlic bread for tomorrow's game. --- Here's something I've noticed during the playoffs... some players and coaches on the New Jersey team bear startling resemblences to other celebrities. Check it out:
Well, I'd better get back to this assignment... GO DUCKS!!! 1st June, 2003 Ducks win! Ducks win!!! The Hockey Gods are smiling on the Ducks now, because they kicked ass in game 3 and beat the Devils 3-2! Anyway, I'm sure not many of you care... so here's something really cool that Goh made. Click here! I dunno. I think it's sooo cool. Hours of entertainment to kill time with between hockey games. Oh, and in case nobody realized... the "Spanish guy" was just Nate showing off his Spanish skills. And for the record, he did NOT piss all over Martin Place. Just because some of you thought he actually did.
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