|
|
|
|
 |
Archive (May 2003) 30th May, 2003 Recently some Spanish dude signed the Guestbook in Spanish. As to avoid confusion for our English-speaking readers who live in first-world countries, I figured I should translate it for everyone. From what I could figure, it roughly translates as: "I prefer to go to the monoskating or I do the love to the handsome woman but seeing the Web site without shame." I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I do suspect the "do the love to the handsome woman" thing has something to do with the ladyboys of Thailand. As for mono-skating... I dunno what that means. Maybe he's only got one leg or something. ---
This is Jeff Friesen, Left-winger for the New Jersey Devils. He's currently the person I'd most like to see mauled to death by a big-assed bear with big-assed claws and teeth. First, he asks to be traded from the Ducks because he "doesn't want to play for a team that's not likely to win anything", then he goes on to score 3 cheap goals against the Ducks in the Stanley Cup finals... then he's got the nerve to give them attitude as well, AND skate past their bench to laugh at them! What a bastard. I hope you fry in hell, you fugly-assed dickhead. And your stoopid-looking playoff beard too. 26th May, 2003 I was watching MTV today, because there wasn't anything on ESPN but golf and soccer, and the Linkin Park video for Somewhere I Belong was on. I'm not exactly a big Linkin Park fan or anything, because I kinda think a lot of this nu-metal stuff all sounds the same... but the song was nice. Well, I would've liked it a lot more if it wasn't for this dicky little bitch:
Mike Shinado from Linkin Park Cos the other dude's vocals aren't too bad at all... kinda angsty, but that's okay. Mike Shinado on the other hand, is just plain annoying! I mean, what is it? Like after the whole Fred Durst thing, every nu-metal band out there's gotta be a trend-whore and have a little white asshole trying to rap. And Mike Shinado's even got the ridiculous chin-fluff thing going... What the fuck's up with that? Doesn't he realize how dumb he looks? Or is it something forced upon him by the studios so he can appeal to Linkin Park's key demographic of kids just about to hit puberty? And how can we talk about nice songs being ruined by stoopid white assholes trying to rap without mentioning Paul McCoy from 12 Stones? "Who the fuck is that?" you might ask... well, here's a clue:
Paul McCoy from 12 Stones Recognize him? Here are some other clues: "Wake me up! I can't wake up!" Why yes! He's the asshole that totally ruined the Evanescence song from the Daredevil soundtrack! Cedric pointed me to a demo version of the song, which did not have some bullshit guest vocalist parroting the female lead singer in the chorus... and whilst less polished sounding it's definitely a whole lot better just because it doesn't have that annoying jerk in it. Luckily he only appears on the one song and doesn't infect the rest of the album with his voice. Speaking of which, I've yet to pick it up. I'll go second hand CD shopping sometime this week. --- BTW, to the person who wrote "Cruel and unfair imprisonment" in the poll's suggestions... Fuck you. My feelings are really hurt... Well... at least nobody's suggested "Buffy the pet that was acquired to pick up chicks in my dorm" or anything like that yet. Well, at least not publicly. They're budgies, not rabbits!!! 25th May, 2003 And the most unattractive celebrity, as voted by you, is:
Minnie Driver Minnie Driver scraped in at first place with 8 votes, followed by closely Stacie Orrico with 7 votes, and then Steve Buscemi & Mena Suvari tied for third place with 6 votes each. The others, except maybe DJ Qualls, really didn't stand much of a chance. --- Anyway, moving along to a more important issue... I'm completely stumped as to what to name my two new feathery friends. So as per my normal behavior, I'm going to try to avoid responsibility by passing the decision making to others... namely you guys out there! So I've set up the poll with a few suggestions that I've collected so far... please vote soon because I would really like the two birdies to have names before the week is out. Anyway, here are the names I've got so far: Heckle & Jeckle - I don't really actually know who Heckle & Jeckle are, but apparently they're cartoon birds or something... and the suggestion has been made twice to me now by entirely different people. Awkky & Brakky - Names derived from Pkunk captains in the classic computer game Star Control II. Unfortunately, as they're budgies they don't really squawk (they tweet and chirp) so the names aren't all that appropriate. Mashi & Maro - A frequent suggestion, but unfortunately Mashi-Maro is a rabbit... not really a bird. Drake & Vasquez - It wouldn't be that bad to name my two little friends after the two machinegunners from Aliens, actually. I quite like this pair of names. Naturally, the larger white one would be Drake and the smaller yellow one would be Vasquez. "Let's rock!!!" Deunan & Bri - The two principal characters of a sci-fi comic (Masamune Shirow's Appleseed) I really like. It was just a passing thought. Mojo & Jojo - I like the names, but the problem is that it's derived from the villain from The Powerpuff Girls, and Mojo Jojo's a monkey, not a bird! Castor & Pollux - The names of the villains in John Woo's Face/Off, which are in turn derived from the names of two stars, which are then in turn named after two brothers from ancient Greek mythology, who blew shit up. Raistlin & Caramon - The twins from Dragonlance... Raistlin was always one of my favorites... but I always figured Caramon was a dumbass though... hmmm... Snoop & Dre - I'm not really serious... No really, I'm not. Mature & Vice - The two psycho chicks from King of Fighters. Well, those are just the names I've got swimming around so far... feel free to make some suggestions. And please, help my birds get names real soon, okay? It's so... weird not to have a name. It's like not having an identity. 24th May. 2003 Yesterday, my two new flatmates moved in, and I'm like totally stoked about it all. I dunno, ever since I was little I've always wanted little pet birds, and I figured that there's no better time than now to get some. They're kinda timid at the moment, and the yellow one doesn't particularly trust me too much yet... but today they were eating bird seed out of my hand, so that's a good start. The bigger white one is friendlier, and has been perched on my finger or sitting on my shoulder a lot... though its also like, shitted on me three times already. How many times do these things need to take a dump?
Anyway, the problem now is that I have absolutely no idea of what to name them. Tentatively, they're going by the temporary names Awkky Birdy & Brakky Birdy. There might be some amongst you who would remember those names as being names of Pkunk captains in the classic computer game Star Control 2. Maybe... probably not. Fine... it's geeky. But if you have any better suggestions, write them up in the Guestbook or something, a'ight? I'm going to head into town to find a "How to take care of budgies" book and some chew toys for them now. And maybe the Evanescence CD. 18th May, 2003 Well for the last two weeks the Polls have been about the most unattractive celebrities floating out there in glitzy glam world. The votes have now been tallied, so here are your finalists for The most unattractive Celebrity in the world!
Anyway, I'll leave the poll up for about a week or so. The runners up were, in order of most to least votes: Robbie Williams, Nicole Kidman, the freakfaced lead singer from 3 Doors Down, Rowan Atkinson, Amanda Byrne, Jude Law, Christina Aquilera, Lance Bass, Jamie Oliver, and Kirsten Dunst. I'm surprised nobody voted for Kirsten Dunst, to be honest, and how Rowan Atkinson didn't make the finals. Maybe I should've put up a pic to remind everyone how ugly and unfunny he is. All he ever does is walk around looking really fugly, and it just loses it's amusement value after a while... which is why I think British comedy is pretty unfunny. Being really ugly doesn't mean you're funny! --- In the meantime, how about those Mighty Ducks of Anaheim??? The Wild obviously didn't take my advice as the Ducks played wearing their Duck jerseys, and proceeded to sweep the Wild out of the playoffs! Though I was a little bit disheartened when the Wild scored on Giguerre in the first period, thus eliminating his chance to break the record for longest Playoff shutout streak in NHL history. It would've been nice to get that record on his b'day. My prediction: Ducks will kill the Devils to win the Stanley Cup this year! 17th May, 2003 A couple of days ago, The Mighty Ducks of Anaheim trashed the Minnesota Wild 4-0. After that, Corinne was like "How can the Wild beat the Ducks?" So I gave it some thought. And this is what I came up with: According to the movies, the Ducks always suck when they aren't wearing their Duck jerseys. They were a loser team in the first movie before Emilio Estevez came along and gave them Duck jerseys to wear (even though they were the original design logos, which was ugly as hell). Then in the second movie, they were forced to wear Team USA jerseys, and they played like shit while wearing those, up until the end when they got out their Duck jerseys and proceeded to beat Iceland in the penalty shootout ("Greenland is icey; Iceland is green.") And then there was D3, where they went to college and were forced by the new coach to wear college jerseys. And they got their asses kicked by the Varsity team, up until the point where they... yep, got out the Duck jerseys and proceeded to whack the shit out of the Varsity team. So my hypothesis is... that if the Minnesota Wild are to have any chances of winning game 4 of the series, they have to somehow persuade the Ducks to switch jerseys. I dunno... steal all their jerseys and replace them with Eden Hall freshman jerseys or something. Otherwise... well... it just doesn't look like the Wild are going to beat the Ducks in a straight fight, not with Giguerre in front of the goal. None of you really care, do you? Cos you're too busy watching soccer or some shit like that to care about hockey. Well, while you're watching the UEFA cup or whatever, ponder this: In Women's Boxing, is a punch below the belt called Fisting? 10th May, 2003 Well, I met up with Nate yesterday, because he was all psyched up to shoot some video footage of the Martin Place 10-stair. After losing repeatedly to me in Tony Hawk's Pro-Skater 4, sometimes by an embarrassingly large margin, Nate was somewhat nervous when we got there... But he did it anyway, despite some shitty weather resulting in some sketchy slippery wet terrain. Check it out:
Nate ollies the Martin Place 10 Stairs. But of course, not before slamming the ground pretty hard a few times... and this is what you really want to see:
"How to break your leg in one simple lesson!" After he landed it, he started strutting around and posing for a couple of bystanders with a camera like the showboat that he is... spouting shit like: "I own these stairs! I conquered them! I rule!!!" I reminded him that a lot of people have probably kicked-flipped the stairs already, so he really hasn't marked the stairs as his. I probably shouldn't have, because afterwards he started acting all macho and shit, and decided to mark his territory with more primal methods.
"Well has anyone else done this?" And with that he started pissing all over the stairs, infecting the area with his stinky piss. I'm glad they've already wrapped up production of the Matrix sequels, because the last thing you wanna see in the background of some fight between Neo and Agent Smith is some meglomaniacal skater pissing on the stairs. Anyway, the two schoolgirls that were happily watching him hurt himself were totally grossed out by his little act of defiance (I think the phrase used was "Did you see that dude's balls?" "Yeah, they were weird looking!")... so we soon had company in the form of four cops.
"Get
the fuck out of here, or we're going to write a stern letter Luckily, the cops let him off as long as he cleaned up the mess, which he did using his Adidas jacket. But it's okay, because it's only an Adidas jacket after all. --- Speaking of which... a recent guestbook entry goes something like: "Nate's such a hottie." It fits right in along with those "Shaun is soooo cute" and "Hanxiang is waaay cool" entries... and all from females! How come everyone featured on this site BUT me gets fanmail from chicks? All I ever get are gay dudes with mongoloid penises and people claiming to be Tom Cruise proclaiming their love for me. What's with that??? 5th May, 2003 In the effort to become Mr. Patient and Understanding, all I've really become is everyone's little bitch. Well fuck that! I'm going to start bitching and moaning again. Starting with Stacie Orrico, in a little update I'll entitle: HOW TO BE MORE ATTRACTIVE IF YOU LOOK LIKE STACIE ORRICO. In case you don't already know, this is Stacie Orrico:
Stacie Orrico: Stage 1 Not exactly the prettiest pop princess out there... well, not exactly the prettiest person out there either... but she can be worked with. Well, the first thing we can do is put a paper bag on her face... like so:
Stacie Orrico: Stage 2 Next, we can probably shift her eyes a little bit closer together so she doens't look so much like a goldfish, and then fix her nose up a bit so it's not so big, then shrink her lips a little so she has a normal sized mouth... and most importantly, get rid of that damned mole! Check it out, side by side with the original Stacie:
She's probably got a nice enough body as it is, so we'll leave that alone... But anyway, I think my modified Stacie Orrico looks a lot better than the original. But still, it's a modified version, meaning she still bears traces of Stacie Orrico... so the way I see it, the best way to make her look more attractive is TOTAL FACIAL RECONSTRUCTION.
Stacie Orrico:
Stage 4 2nd May, 2003 Just when I thought I'd have nothing to bitch and rant about... I get something in the mail which just screams "Mock the shit out of me!!!" I guess since it was screaming so loudly (with the three exclamation points and all) it would be rude if I didn't obey. Anyway, the letter I got in the mail wasn't anything particularly special. It's the University Academic Board student representative election thingy-thing... where you get a few students who get about two or so paragraphs to do as much ass-kissing as possible to get those who actually give a damn about the academic board (all four of them) to vote them into it. It appears that the dumbass Indian dude that I continually laughed my ass off about last year (I left the election letter lying on my dining table so I would skim it for a laugh everytime I sat down for a meal) has graduated and left UNSW, so I can't write something up about him. HOWEVER, there will always be more dumbasses, including this guy that I knew from high school! He's definitely changed from the guy I remember. I remember a thin little weedy guy (who was even shorter than me!) who was obsessed with Hentai and japanese schoolgirls... now, he looks like a fat-ass who's probably still obsessed with naughty tentacles and demon-sex. Oh, and he's become quite the ass-kisser too. His "Vote me, please!" statement starts with "G'day." What kinda dumbass opens a statement with "G'day"? I mean, if I could actually be bothered to vote, he'd lose my vote immediately based on that one opening greeting (though it's still better than the Indian dude's "Greetings"... What the hell is "Greetings"? Who is he addressing? Sci-fi geeks?). Anyway, it just gets worse from then on. He goes on to leave the address of his website where you can do read up more about his life. That part of the website has actually been subdivided into sections for Early and Late Childhood, Early, mid and late teenhood then finally his early twenties. Shit, with that many sections he should consider publishing volume one of his fucking memoirs before more shit happens in his mid, late twenties and his early, mid and late thirties. Who the fuck has that much to write about in the About Me section of his/her homepage? Who writes an autobiography when he's only 24? What'd he do? Spend 7 of his teenage years in Tibet learning the meaning of life? Honestly speaking, his website is worth a look... I think it's a good example of how putting together a professional looking website with professional sounding content and professional language (ie, not using politically incorrect terms like ass-nabber, cunt-rag and ball-licker) can make you appear as an ass-nabbing, ball-licking cunt-rag! Anyway, check out Daniel's... or should I say... Danjel's website. You can read his essay about the difference between "cute" and "sexy" (complete with diagrams), and how he's "interested in animation graphics and cutting edge design". Well, normal design's not good enough for him... he's only interested in the cutting edge variety. What a dumbass...
|
