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Archive (April 2003) 28th April, 2003 Last night I took the crazy pair of Tammy and Corinne to Canterbury to see a local Hockey game. On the way there, we got totally drenched by heavy rain. Anyway, in the back of my mind it was like... it'll be okay when we get there... cos it's a hockey game. It's undercover, and we'll be in shelter. So imagine my shock and horror when we get there and find out that the games have been rained out. Who's ever heard of a hockey game being rained out? Anyway, what happened was that the fucking rain that totally drenched us (and my new jacket) also leaked through the roof of the ice rink, creating a little puddle on the ice. The referee then decided: "Well I guess I'll just be a dickhead and go home without refereeing any of the three games that those folk came all the way from the city to see.". So there were all these teams there... just skating around in their uniforms, smacking the puck around aimlessly and sulking (as opposed to the three of us, just pacing around in our soaked clothes, looking around aimlessly and sulking). BAH! 24th April, 2003 Wey-hey! Let's have a progress report on Nate's Skate video. Today we went... well, downstairs to the carpark opposite my apartment to try to BS Boardslide this neat little rail. It was a pretty nicely placed rail, with a pretty nice run up and a really good landing... so it looked really do-able (you know, like Marisa Tomei). And he almost did it too! Towards the end, he made several really good attempts where the board connected and he rode most of the rail, almost landing the trick... Kinda like this attempt:
Nate trying
to boardslide the carpark rail. But since we were doing in during the day, there were a lot of old women ditching their garbage and shit around. That, and everytime we heard a noise or saw a car, Nate would stash the skateboard and stand around looking... well... even more sketchy. I mean, it'd be better to be seen as a skater doing potential damage to public property and himself, than to be mistaken as a suspicious person loitering around with a potentially sinister agenda (like tossing flaming paperbags full of dogshit at people). Anyhow, some old bitch didn't like us too much, so Management was called and a representative turned up. It's my old arch-nemesis the Management again! Remember how I used to get into verbal fights with them about noise levels and shit, and how Owen and I totally hated that condescending fat-fuck that would always accuse us of making too much noise during times when we would be at uni? Anyway, I haven't had shit with them for about two years, but now they're back. And this time they sent someone new... a very effeminate someone new. So we were kinda like "Huh?" when this asian guy turned up and started talking to us with his soft-spoken asian voice. He asked us what we were doing, to which we replied honestly that we're trying to skate a rail. Then he's like: "Oh we've received a few complaints... blah blah blah I like to kiss asses." I'm not exactly sure what he said, but he had an asian accent so I no hear so good. Anyway, I bargained with him so that he'll allow us to make THREE more attempts. After the first attempt, he noticed another old bitch who's way past her expiration date ditching her garbage (and I bet she doesn't recycle!!!) looking at us funny... so he's like: "Okay, I think it's best if you two just leave now." At this point, Nate's just like "No way, dumbass! You said three attempts! Count it... One-two-three... THREE! What? They don't have numbers in China?" (Okay, he didn't phrase it that way, but anyway). A heated argument ensues... so out comes the warning to call the cops. "Go ahead and call the cops. But I'm making my two attempts nonetheless, and I'll be out of here before they get here anyway." So that with that warning shot down... he then threatened us with something worse... No, not physical violence... Something much worse:
I shit you not... that's his biggest threat. He was going to write a stern letter to the Strata board about skaters or something. Honestly, I don't know what the fuck his problem is. He's trying to make threats he doesn't have the balls to enforce... Anyway, I bargained him down to one more attempt... he was gracious enough to give us that. Nate of course, didn't think much of it and berated him for being a liar and a man without principles. Needless to say, Nate fucked up his last attempt... and we're going to have to go back some other day to nail that rail. --- Speaking of authority figures... today is the day that Cedric joins the army! Yep, everyone's favorite black metal guy has now traded his leather pants and guitar for military fatigues and an assault rifle. At least he still gets to wear big black boots! 23rd April, 2003 I just went to see Punch Drunk Love and How to lose a guy in 10 days back to back with the quirky trio of Tam, Co and Em. And despite what you think, it wasn't my idea... honest! Anyway, How to lose a guy in 10 days became more like How to lose your contact lens in 10 mins, because I got some popcorn in my eye and ended up rubbing it till the lens fell out of my left eye and I had to watch the rest of the movie half-blind. Probably why Kate Hudson actually looked sorta attractive in the movie (she usually reminds me too much of Goldie Hawn to be considered attractive). But yeah, I found the movies to be really good... Of course, How to lose a guy would've been better if I had proper vision (though I was also distracted by the fact that Matthew McConaughey reminded me so much of Ethan Embry... that and how unsuited he was for the role. They should've gotten Josh Hartnett). Anyway, I'm off to bed now.
Matthew McConaughey
(with the hard to spell name) and Ethan Embry. --- This morning I woke up and the icky feeling was still in my left eye. So I went to the bathroom, started freaking out over a mutant eye-eating piece of zombie-popcorn stuck in my eye (I had watched Day of the Dead yesterday), and started drowning it in eyedrops and intensive eye-massaging and rubbing. Then if happened: Half of a contact lens popped out of my eye. I had somehow ripped the contact lens in half at the cinema, and in fact only half had popped out. The other half was still floating around under my left eyelid. That's so fucking GROSS! I mean, so really it was How to lose half a contact lens in 10 mins. I can't believe I've been walking around with an icky bit of shit stuck in my eye for hours, and then sleeping with it still sludging around in my left eyelid. And no wonder why it was so hard to see in the goddamn mirror. I was looking for a piece of rock, or zombie-popcorn... something big and cruddy, not thin and transparent (though it was probably crumpled up to be so damn irritating). Gross... fucking gross. There you go: my first contact lens horror story. Aside from natural diseases like overly gross conjunctivitis where shit grows out your eye, what else can go wrong? Can't I get a cooler contact lens horror story? Something like: "My girlfriend was jerking me off, and then I spunked directly into my eye and it fused with the contact lens onto my iris. And that's why I look like I've got one albino eye." Then again... maybe losing half a contact lens in a cinema ain't that gross after all. --- Frankie and Cedric were both interviewed for some... I dunno... interview about young up & coming people. I thought the interviewers asked shit questions... but you can check it out here anyway. Two other people were interviewed: some weird piercing chick (who looked ditzy enough for me to skip reading her interview) and a poseur "skater". Why's the skater in inverted commas? Because althought they refer to him as a skater and use a cover picture of someone on a skateboard getting some air in a half-pipe... he's actually an in-line skater. And as we all know... in-line skaters are just roller-hockey players who lost their sticks and their edge. The people who made the site also, for reasons unknown, chose to use the absolute WORST pictures of Frankie and Ced ever as portrait images on their site. Yep, they stole the images directly from this site and refrained from giving me any credit for making Frankie and Ced look so bad on the internet. In case you're wondering and are too lazy to follow the link, the images used by them included the Frankie the rapping dumbass shot, and the "Oh I'm very unhappy" shot of Ced. Weirdly enough, they protested greatly to the usage of those images on my site... but I don't hear any complaints from them about those pics appearing on that other site. The interviewers must be chicks or something. 22nd April, 2003 Recently, a situation developed in my life where I had a fallout with a friend. I didn't put it up on the site or anything, because I didn't think it was necessary to publically announce this to the world. But apparently it's been spreading anyway... as I've had a few people asking me about it. Unfortunately, my stance on this matter is still the same... I don't feel the need to tell everyone about this, so please DON'T ask. I really just want to put this behind me and move on. If you really want to know more about it, ask whoever told you about it in the first place. If you doubt the accuracy of the information, then just use your imagination and fudge it up based on the facts you know.. I don't want to clarify shit. I don't want to discuss it, I don't want to make some public statement about it... I just want to move on because I have other matters to concern myself with now. --- Like ironing! To me, ironing's like... I dunno... it's like playing videogame football or hockey. It's either really relaxing and fulfilling or FUCKING FRUSTRATING. I didn't used to iron much before... preferring to only iron clothes that really need ironing, like my Ed bowling shirt. But lately I've been getting into it... even to the point of becoming a weird domesticated Suzie-Homemaker that does the ironing while watching hockey on TV. Anyway, do you guys iron? If so, are you any good at it? I can spend hours... well, maybe fifteen minutes ironing the same fucking pair of pants because each time I flatten a spot, I create creases in two other places or something. It drives me nuts! I mean, here I am struggling with a pair of pants, all the while I've got steam blasting me in the face. And when I'm wearing glasses that really does suck. But sometimes, just sometimes, I get pretty good at it, and I can like go through my entire load of laundry in about one period of hockey. Otherwise, it'll take a triple overtime game for me to do two pairs of pants and a shirt. I love housework. I'm sure I must've mentioned that on many an occasion, but honestly I don't do enough of it... even though I love the shit. I still get that feeling of euphoria upon cleaning my bathroom and basking in the sparkling lemon fresh goodness. Today, I cleaned the bathroom and half of the kitchen... I feel good. Damn I need to get laid... pfft... --- In other news, I've decided that this week I'm going to get all cultural and old school... and to do that I'm going to watch a Shakespeare-double pair of movies. Nope, none of that Kenneth Branaugh shit... I'm watching 10 Things I hate about you and O. Hmm... it's either a Shakespeare-double or a Julia Stiles-double... Oh well, Julia Stiles is hot, so I'm not complaining. Hell, I might even follow the movies up with Save the Last dance. Then again... 21st April, 2003 I made an incredibly horrible mistake approximately 2 years, 5 months and 24 days ago. I'm still suffering from the repercussions of that error in judgement and weakness in character... So yeah, that kinda fucked my life up a little bit. Why am I opening old wounds and reliving painful memories? I've decided to start writing another screenplay. Time to enter the depression zone again. Joy. I guess I can start by putting my Tracy Chapman and The Cure CD's on repeat. 16th April, 2003 Okay, I've just been going through the Tom Cruise movies in chronological order, and I just finished Rain Man this morning. Now I've just got to watch his crowning achievement Jerry Maguire and I'll be happy. In other news, I fucked up my three year temper shutout streak yesterday. I've not lost my temper in any major way in the last three years and I think it's quite an accomplishment... but yesterday I flipped and totally snapped. Like Owen and Rhi said... everyone's got a breaking point, even me. And after it happened (and of all places it had to happen, it had to happen over the phone while I was sitting in uni... next to one of my favorite lecturers, no less) I felt really bad. Not about yelling at the person on the other end of the phone, but because the outburst came from a temporary loss of control. I'm perfectly fine with raising my voice and yelling "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCK IN HELL, KARRAS!" in the middle of a public place... but if it's because I lost my temper then I feel a lot more uncomfortable about it. I'm just sorta really paranoid about losing my temper, because I see my mom do it all the time, and I know that I've inherited that vicious temper from her. Tempers are really ugly things, aren't they? This is something made very clear when my girlfriend broke up with me because I lost my temper around her one night. I didn't hit her or anything, and the cussing wasn't even directed at her... but nevertheless I was... fuck. I don't even remember what I did that night. But anyway, she ditched me soon after and since well... I've been doing my best to keep my temper in check. And I think it was going really well. I can't remember the last time I lost my temper... well not to the point where I totally exploded anyway. At least, not intentionally. Oh well, that all ended yesterday anyway. This page is starting feel more like some blog. Does anyone know who Precious is? Come on... own up! :] --- BRUINS WIN! After being fucked in the ass by the Devils for the first three games, the Bruins finally got their shit in gear and ripped back at them, winning 5-2! Finally... I was getting kinda worried there. In other news, the Mighty Ducks are totally ripping into the Red Wings. Yeah, the hockey team with the nice purple-oriented color scheme is up on the mighty Red Wings... So it's all sweet :] 14th April, 2003 An update for the Heatbroken: This is an update for those of us who have recently been fucked over in the game of love and shit... and to dis those that have caused us such heartache. You know, significant others who ditch us on Saturday nights by cancelling plans because they'd rather have some dinner at home and have a beer instead of meeting up with their supposed loved one; the bitches who toy with our emotions and feelings, spouting bullshit like: "I could really love you... I could and I want to... but I can't be with anyone right now." only to end up in bed with your traitorous flatmates; and let's not forget the ones that shoot us down before we've even begun to hit on them. Oh, and anybody who's ever used the phrase: "You're too nice for me." as a way to reject someone. So join me by spending a ceremonial minute of yelling "FUCK YOU!" continuously at all the mindgame playing emotion-fuckers of the world. My wish is that everyone who fucks someone else over like so will be cursed with a nose like Avril Lavigne's. 12th April, 2003 Seems to me like these days people are just so amazingly cynical that you can't be nice to anybody without them getting all suspicious and shit. What the fuck kinda world do we live in when doing good deeds for people and performing acts of generosity is considered sketchy behavior? I dunno... I think that nice things should be done for the sake of doing nice things. You shouldn't feel the need to expect anything in return... though a little bit of gratitude would be nice every now and then. But some people go completely the other way and start regarding you as if you've got some sorta hidden agenda... an evil ulterior motive or something. And that totally sucks. There are a hell of a lot of nice people out there. I know a lot of them. I think I'm one of them. If I can do something nice for someone else, I'd do it. Simple as that. So I find it totally offensive when instead of gratitude or appreciation, I get weird looks or something and get treated as if I expect something in return. It's especially bad with girls. I mean, just because I say someone's hair looks nice does not mean I want to fuck them, right? Whilst it might be so, it's not a given, so it should not be assumed (When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME) that this is the case. You say a few nice things, try to be nice... and in return you get considered as a sleazebag who hits on anything with a pulse. I feel dirty when that happens... and I hate feeling dirty. It makes me cringe. I'm confused... I mean, do I have to be an asshole to people in order to befriend them and earn their trust? Is it that much easier to believe that someone is an asshole that wants something from you than if they're just... "nice"? Why must I be so self-conscious and feel the need to keep my niceness in check? That's seriously fucked up. So I think I just wanna say: Fuck the paranoid people. Fuck 'em if they're so insecure and shit that any nice deed performed for them out of niceness is considered to be some kinda attempt at blackmail or manipulation. Argh... I'm just feeling irritable. And it's at a point where I don't think I can write much shit and make any sense. --- BTW, my favorite little sister Charmaine has started up an online journal so that she has her own little soapbox to bitch about things too (She must've picked up the whining stuff from Frankie or something). Anyway, she wanted me to direct anyone who's interested over to her blog, and to ask everyone to sign her guestbook. And to entice you... here's an animated gif of that weirdly shaped rabbit-thing that ricey schoolgirls so adore:
"Hoi! I'm
Mashimaro! Asian chicks dig me. 10th April, 2003 Just a quick little update: Remember how I was bitching about Vanessa Carlton's puny role in the Counting Crows video "Little Yellow Cab" (or whatever)? Well, I was sitting in the Indian joint enjoying some chicken curry last night, and I heard a blast from the past that made Vanessa Carlton's tiny role seem huge for a "featuring" credit. I don't know how many of you would remember the old song from ages back "Would I lie to you?" by Charles and Eddie, but in that song, Charles sings pretty much the verses, and the chorus... leaving Eddie with a tiny little line. For example: "Would I lie to you baby?" x 2 - Charles. "Woo yeah!" - Eddie. Yep, that's all Eddie does. During every chorus, he'll pipe in once to add a "Woo yeah!" like a backup vocals bitch. Except he's not a mere backup vocals bitch. He's not even a guest collaborator. His name is included in the group name, for fuck's sake! It's Charles and Eddie, NOT Charles (featuring Eddie). Poor guy. I don't really remember the music video either, because it was being played when I was nine or something, and I wasn't particularly into this song then (nor am I now)... so I don't remember if Eddie was even remotely good looking. At least then he'd be the looks of the musical group. For his sake, I hope so... otherwise he'd be like the useless guy that was added because musical duos were all the rage at that time. --- The NHL Playoffs began today. And coincidentally Electronics Boutique rang me up while I was watching Risky Business to tell me that my copy of Sega Sports NHL 2K3 arrived in the store today. Not yesterday, nor the day before when the sun was out and the weather was pleasant... but today, when it was cold and wet. Great. But hey, at least I get to play videogame hockey. Tentatively, my favorite team is the Boston Bruins... mainly because Adam Sandler wears a Boston jersey in Happy Gilmore. I'm not particularly good at puck-handling yet... but checking somebody into the boards and committing brutal cross-checking penalties seem to be easy enough to pick up. 8th April, 2003 "A to tha motherfuckin' K, homeboy! A to tha motherfuckin' K!" Seeing as the majority of readers here are asian kids of asian descent with asian parental units, I'm sure a lot of you would totally understand what I'm about to babble about then (hmm I used two "about's" back there). What's the thing asian parents (especially asian mothers) love to talk and brag about? Next to the kinda car they drive, I think it's safe to say that it's their kids. When I think about asian mothers, the first image that pops into my mind is an image of four asian parents sitting around a mahjong table gossiping to each other apart completely irrelevant and unimportant shit about their kids. Basically, an image a lot like this one:
So anyway, being that I think in asian cultures the parents don't usually know that much about their kids because they don't give a shit so long as the kid's getting good grades in the important subjects (like Maths, Science, and Chinese... art and music ain't going to get you into medical or law school after all), they really shouldn't be talking about their kids as if they're some kinda expert on the topic. But they do anyway. And they like to brag. And if they got nothing to brag about, then they make shit up. Well, maybe not complete fabrications, but nevertheless they somehow fudge shit up. "Eh my son Henry just got top of his class in maths. So happy because primary school already so responsible!" "Wah! My daughter Kitty just got engaged to a doctor. So proud of my new son-in-law! Oh, and my daughter too of course, for getting a doctor into our proud Chang family." "My eldest son is so... Well, he's nice. And he's also very decent! And... well... what's his name again? Ah-Kok! What's our eldest son's name again? You know, the Engineering one? Oh yeah, Wei-Qiang..." I mean, everybody does it. Because in Chinese culture, you gotta be proud of your kids, even if you think they're complete fuck-ups whose shitty social skills means that the only way you're going to get grandchildren is if you import a China-Bride from www.riceymatchmakersonline.com. Well, you don't have to be proud of them, you just gotta act like it in front of your friends and family so that involves bragging about them at every social gathering. What I don't get, is knowing that everyone bullshits stuff... why do asian parents buy into each other's crap? Because they seem to do so, and use the bullshit as fuel to dump unreasonable demands on their poor overworked kids. Why do asian kids have to hear comments like: "Mrs. Ang's son is dating Zhang Ziyi. Why can't you be more like that? If you stop your silly skateboarding and go to medical school you can get a good proper well-behaved Chinese girl too; instead of those disrespectful ang-moh (white) girls you hang out with and their tongue piercings." How do they believe all the hype and bullshit? Nobody's kid is actually top of the class in every single fucking subject at school... nobody's kid is so fucking well-behaved that they don't go out on weekends or use the phone. And if they are, then they're fucking preppy losers to begin with, who will grow up to be rich losers with gold-digging wives that they met in first year medical school (who subsequently dropped out after getting engaged to sure-fire source of income) and have loser kids and propogate this vicious circle! Argh!!! That's my take on this shitty part of Chinese Culture. I hate it. I think it sucks that parents use other parents' exaggerated bullshit brags as a basis for comparison with their own kids, and I think it sucks that preppy dickheads who drive WRX's and Civic Type-R's are so revered in asian communities. I wish parents would just sit down and talk with their kids more often instead of making up shit in conversation with friends and relatives to cover up for a lacking relationship with their children. I wish the Vikings would play better and make the play-offs this year. 7th April, 2003 Shit happens, yah? Well anyway I've decided that this week shall officially be known as Tom Cruise week. Because everyone's too busy with uni work for the proposed "Crossroads and Kissing Jessica Stein slumber party", I'll just have to amuse myself by watching Tom Cruise movies on my own. So I've decided that this week I shall attempt to ingest the following movies:
And if I have time, I might squeeze in A Few Good Men as well. I definitely will NOT watch Days of Thunder or Eyes Wide Shut, for obvious reasons. Well, in case you didn't know or haven't realized, I utterly loathe Nicole Kidman. In my opinion, she epitomizes the worst qualities in a human being (and Dave can go fuck himself if he disagrees with me). She seduced Tom Cruise, married him and used his fame to propel herself into Hollywood's A-list... and then when she felt that her career was over-shadowed by Tom she decided to ditch him and start fucking Jude Law (and his marriage). Anyway, this anti-Nicole rant feels somewhat all too familiar, so that means I've probably written all of this before in a recent update, so I'll leave it at that. --- Speaking of ugliness, has everyone seen Avril's "I'm with you" video clip? Well, after the whole seeing her in person debacle a couple of months back, I decided that she had a really ugly personality... but was still hot as hell. However, this changed after I saw the "I'm with you" clip. If you've ever spoken to me about Sarah Michelle Gellar, then you'll know that I can't stop babbling about her nose. As pretty as she is, after I noticed her nose I can't look at her face without my attention zooming into her nose anymore. For those of you not in the know, take a closer look at her nose, and you'll see how weird-looking it is... it looks like its got hundreds of different flat surfaces and angles on it... like she's been hit on the nose very frequently by a shovel at different angles. And now you can lump Avril into that same scenario. Before the "I'm with you" clip, all the shots of Avril were either portrait frontal shots or 3/4 shots; never a profile. And might I just add, that she looks amazingly hot in those shots. But in the "I'm with you" clip she suddenly turns around and we see the side of her face... and how fucking far that nose of her sticks out. It's really really long! I mean, everyone knows Avril's long hair on the side of her face haircut... when you look at her from the side, she looks like Cousin It with Pinocchio's nose! Anyway... just watch the video and you'll know what I mean. It's really... ugly... you know like the usage of neon-lights in the ancient Chinese temple in John Carpenter's Big Trouble in Little China. What the fuck was the set decorator thinking? I know it's the 80's... but FUCK!!! 3rd April, 2003 Shit... you don't go online and check your site for a few days, and what happens? Someone hacks into your site and puts up a horrifying image of an extremely fugly individual (who sorta looks like a goth without the makeup if you ask me) with an oversized but equally fugly penis. I must say, although penises are not exactly my specialty and I haven't really seen that many of them... this one has got to qualify as fucking unattractive. I can't exactly specify why because I'm not a dick expert or anything, so I can't like say something intelligent like "Oh the head is a little bit malformed and disproportionate to the length of the shaft". But if you don't trust me, you can always review the penis in question here. Anyway, the reason why I haven't been online and updating the site recently is because the supreme commander of Big Evil is in town. Yep, my brother Frankie has gotten some time off from the army and has come down under to visit his girlfriend Tammy and since he's here, also spend some time with his brother. So for the past week or so that's been the agenda. And it's been a BLAST!!! Earlier tonight, the regular crew of the week (Frankie, Tam, Tam's lovely flatmate Corinne and myself) were joined by Omar, Alex and Sarah to watch a couple of crappy horror flicks that Frankie picked out... namely The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Cradle of Fear. And both SUCKED majorly. I don't want to make some kinda movie review or anything here, but trust me when I saw that sometimes blood and gore just ain't enough. And is it just me, or whenever I see people dressed in 70's clothing in a video, I immediately think of porn? Well, porn and That 70's Show. Well, enough of this horror marathon. Next week I'm going to do my Tom Cruise-athon. I'm fucking tired now. Write more later.
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