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Archive (September - November 2002) 16th November, 2002
It was so close I almost choked on my Vanilla Coke. Now that Nate's conquered Table Tennis (and gotten his name as the first on the new plaque in uni) he's looking to bring his athletic ability and bad-boy attitude to Indoor Soccer. Already he's become the lead scorer and star player of his team. Weee!!! --- Oh, and Amy has now been upgraded from the Coming Soon to the Flicks section of the site, along with a bunch of Trivia and stuff. And check out that new poster! Woo woo woo! Hmmm... this page is getting really long. I really should think about making an Archive section or just ditching the older content... 15th November, 2002 Well, sometime last weekend, someone decided to write an abusive entry into our guestbook... which contained some very discourteous remarks about Munky and co. Well... you've done it. You've totally hurt my feelings, asshole. I hope you're happy with yourself. One can only hope now that in the near future you'll fall over in a public place, snapping a few vertabrae in the process and rendering yourself paraplegic, and as you lay on the ground you watch helplessly as a little toy dog comes along and shits in your throat. And then I hope you die slowly while the entire crowd laughs at the pathetic little bitch that's gurgling on dog shit. But admittedly, that's probably not going to happen anytime soon... so I'll have to take comfort in this: My new shoes finally came in last week! After months and months of poking around and being disappointed by the endless array of bullshit Circa footwear, Mikey finally ordered in my pair of Globe Rodney Mullen S3's!!! So in retaliation to your rant, asshole, I have this to offer:
Oh and on a lighter note, visit the News Page for some Amy updates. 8th November, 2002 Weee! I'm pretty happy to announce that as of tonight, principal photography of Amy has been completed! Unfortunately, from what I can gather from the scenes I've already edited, Amy will not meet the 10 minute cap set for the End of Year screening (apparently titled "The Last Pixel Show"). I mean, each scene averages around 3-4 minutes, and there are about 7 scenes all up. Well doesn't that just SUCK? So after finishing Amy, instead of throwing a laid back wrap-up party I'll have to go into overdrive to get JSU completed. That does bite, indeed. No rest for me... "So cry me a river, dickface!" Wuh? Goddamnit... I'm delirious... fatigue is getting to me. I go beddy-bye now. 5th November, 2002 Progress with Amy is coming along smoothly. Sorta, kinda, maybe. Well, it's progressing anyway... maybe not smoothly, but it's moving. Anyhow, you can find out more about it in the News page. Deadpan Entertainment has also been recently contacted to assist in the production of two other videos. That sounds sorta grand-ish and cool, don't it? Actually, a couple of my friends just asked me to help them point a camera and edit some stuff. Hmmm... it sounds better when I use the terms "contacted" and "production". Anyhow, over the weekend I helped Owen and Bridie shoot some videos for their artworks and stuff. More on that, once again in the News page. What an informative page that is, the News page... So aptly named. I think I'll just type News page again, just because I like playing with hyperlinks and stuff. It makes me feel special and technical. And fuck if I'm easily amused. Ooooh... Ctrl-K brings up the hyperlink menu. Lemme try it out. Bring me to the Amy page! Oh and if you didn't already know, my class' graduation screening (which has a name that I can't be bothered remembering because I don't think it was one that I liked) will be held on the 5th December at the Chauvel Cinema on Oxford St. Tickets are $7 a pop, and if you're interested, email organisers2002_cofa@hotmail.com. (wooo! More hyperlinky fun!). Come check out... well... videos, I guess. I'm not sure what's going to be on, I don't even know what I myself will be screening (probably Amy, if it clocks in at 10 min or under... otherwise The Jedi, the Sith, and the Ugly if we can get it done on time). But it should be fun. And early-birds get free drinks. So yeah, come and stuff. Remember: The College
of Fine 1st November, 2002 Well, in the slight chance that you've been visiting this site you might have noticed that there hasn't been an update for a really long time. Like, something along the time frame of 3 weeks. That's pretty poor, I know... but hey I've actually been busy. And therein lies the problem. Updates happen when there's progress in the videos and stuff... but because of the production of the videos, I'm too busy to update the site. Damn. But anyway, the big lack of updates didn't mean nothing happened in the last three weeks, but so much happened that I didn't have the time to update the site. In fact, at this moment I've got only one scene left to shoot before I've finished shooting everything. Just one more scene to go! Weee! (display of excitement) I'll try to get some screens and stuff of Amy up on the site as soon as I can, but I'm still logging through the hours of raw footage (which is a very tiring task). But hey, it'll be here soon! And maybe when I do that, I'll even try to change that boring-as-fuck poll that's been up there for waaay too long.
31st October, 2002
Happy Halloween, everyone! I was walking down the street to meet Owen and Rhiannon for dinner last night and I saw a couple of groups of kids walking around, dressed in funky costumes carrying bags of candy (that's the sugary kind, not the porno kind). It really brings a smile to one's face when they see little kids carrying on the tradition of Halloween and not just deciding "This is just some bullshit American thing that we don't care about in Australia." I love Halloween. I didn't do anything special this year because I'm swamped with too much work, but it would've been nice to have popped in A Nightmare before Christmas or something similar. Anyway, here's hoping that everyone else put in a little bit more effort than I did and did something extravagant on this special day. Argh! Zombies!!! By the way, that's a picture of Psycho Chris as he'll appear in this computer game that I'm designing for a uni assignment. It's a High School simulator, sorta like The Sims meets Baldur's Gate, spliced with American teen movies with a dash of Sissyfight. I'll put up some concept pics in the Gallery/Misc section. 10th October, 2002 A big-assed update today, people! Firstly, we've gone off and shot a bit more of Amy, this time with both leads present. More on that in the news page. Secondly, the Misc. section of the Gallery is finally up and running. There's not much in there at the moment, but hey, if you got nothing to do, it's worth a look. Thirdly, I've put up the Deadpan Entertainment promo trailer in the Gallery, filed under the Misc. section. For those of you who haven't seen any of our stuff in motion, it's a nice little clip that showcases our various videos. So you should go and check it out. There are two versions available: a small 2 meg version for those of us who are still using dial-up net connections, and a bigger one for the assholes with broadband (jealousy leak!). Don't forget to sign the guest-book! 4th October, 2002 Wow! Amazing as it sounds, we have actually begun shooting Amy! If you care, there's more information in the news page. We probably would've gotten more done, but I've been busy playing Madden NFL 2003 on the X-Box. Last night I took the Vikings to the Superbowl and whooped the Colts 48-17! Now if only the REAL Vikings can get a season like that. Hell, if only they could win at least ONE goddamned game! PETE ROBSON'S PRO-FOOTSKATER CANCELLED! Yesterday, we were sad to announce that our first video game project had to be cancelled. The reason was that our lead programmer and designer, professional skateboarder CHAD MUSKA, left the project. The official statement given to the press about Chad Muska's departure was that it was due to creative differences. However, the real reason was something even more sinister. While busy programming the game over in Robson Digital Studios, Chad was visited by a mysterious... well, visitor. And this is what followed:
So there you have it: the truth behind the cancellation of what would surely have been a great game. We at Deadpan Entertainment apologize to the Footskaters and gamers out there who eagerly awaited the game, but we have been unable to find a replacement programmer. Also of note: We have received reports that Nate has raised an army of undead warriors and is going on a rampage, culling those that he deems "disrespectful to the art of skateboarding". Footskaters and skaters who can't even kickflip are advised to stay indoors until the threat is over. These events will not affect the production of Amy in any way. Nate is still slated to play the role of Josh, the humble and friendly skater. 19th September, 2002 For all you gamers out there, Deadpan Entertainment is proud to announce our first venture into the videogame industry with Pete Robson's Pro-Footskater.
After successful talks with renowned Footskating Champion and co-founder Pete Robson, we are happy to report that he has agreed to be the spokesperson for our first ever videogame. With his first-hand expertise and knowledge of the sport, we hope to be able to bring the most accurate and realistic Footskating experience into your videogame console. Whilst Footskating is a relatively new X-treme sport when compared to the classics like skateboarding and snowboarding, it is rapidly catching the attention of the world with its easy to learn style and gnarly trick base. Best described as a hybrid of vert skating and gymnastics, it also contains elements of inline skating (without the inline skates) and drunken stupidity.
Pete Robson attributes the accessibility of the sport to its chilled and laid back nature. "The reason why there aren't more skateboarders out there today is because it's a subculture riddled with egocentric assholes who have little tolerance for non-skaters and even newbie skaters. I think a lot more people would buy skateboards if it wasn't for the elitist skaters who would undoubtedly laugh at them and taunt them with remarks like 'you call that an ollie, dickhead?'" "Footskating has none of that. Everyone just does their own thing, and skates as and when they like to without fear of retribution from some punk with an attitude problem."
"In fact, that's how Footskating came about. I was learning to skateboard at a local skate-park, when this 15 year old kid comes by and laughs at me. I was in a bad mood that day because my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for an older woman, so I lost my cool and beat the little shit into a pulp with my brand new deck." "When I regained control of myself, I had broken my skateboard and the little brat's two front teeth. He tried to stop the bleeding by stuffing his mouth with his Limp Bizkit t-shirt, but I think he went into shock and died. Anyway, I couldn't skate with a broken board so I decided to just run up a ramp and jump around. Some other unsuccessful skater saw me and started mimicking my moves, and that's when Footskating was born."
Pete Robson's Pro-Footskater is scheduled for release in third quarter 2003. It was originally announced to be exclusive to the Apple Mac, but we were just fucking around. Instead, it will be released for the X-Box, GameCube and Playstation2 platforms, and will be available for a RRP of $37.95. 18th September, 2002 Hey you guys, there's been an update in the "Amy" situation! After two weeks of intense panicking, we've finally got ourselves a lead actress! Read about it in the News section. Other than that, you may or may not have noticed that the About Us section has been put up, so you can go there and read all about us... and also the Links section is now up and running! Let us know if you want us to link to your page or something... Not that there'll be millions of readers checking our site out and actually reading our links page. But hey... you get a short-lived ego trip of seeing a link to your site on someone else's. 16th September, 2002 Recently, I received a suspicious looking letter in the mail, with the following picture:
The picture came with a letter made up of letters cut out of magazines, which simply said: "I know who you are, and I know you can't skate!" Okay, yes I do agree... it is quite pathetic to see a 22 year old guy with a skateboard who can't skate. It is tragic indeed for someone to learn to skate when he's long out of high school. So why am I doing this to myself? It goes back a couple of months, when I was videotaping Nate's attempts to ollie in the Martin Place Pit.
Don't worry, he didn't really snap his ankle (though he came close). Then this fat-assed pimp-looking loser walks by with his two skanky ho's, and laughs at Nate. Not only did he laugh, but he made some dickhead comment out loud to impress his bitches before he walked away (hopefully into an oncoming bus).
And then it suddenly dawned on me. There is no fucking way I will ever allow myself to grow up into a pathetic and bitter dickhead that mocks skaters because all he did as a kid was play Warhammer 40K and masturbate over pictures of scantily clad D&D elves. So a couple of weeks later I bought a skateboard, and about a month down the road... I'm still unable to ollie. But at least I'm not overweight... yet. Basically I hate bitter-assed old fucks who blame other people for their own wasted youth. I hate the fat dumb-ass at the Pit, I hate the dickhead who lives below us on level 12, and most of all, I hate my uni lecturers. I would rather be subject to ridicule whilst learning to skate at an embarrassing age than to end up like them... even if it means being asked for cigarettes by smelly 15 year olds wearing Linkin Park t-shirts. 12th September, 2002 There's been some progress in the search for an actress to replace Melissa as Amy, and it involves Nate and a certain ex-cast member of Party of Five. You can find out all about it in the news section. Also, within hours of putting up the site we already had a few people complain about the bogus Crew, Links, Contact and Guestbook sections. So we've gone off and fixed those bits for you. No, we didn't actually put anything up, but we now have informative "Coming soon" signs! Though apparently the guestbook works now... I'm not too sure, but hey give it a shot. What's the worst that can happen? Well it could crash your browser and corrupt all of your porn files... but I'm sure the joy of signing our guestbook is worth the risk! 11th September, 2002
Our
website finally got its first update, and it’s only been a year and a
bit after it was first put up! At this rate, you can probably expect the
next update sometime in 2004. Anyway, we had actually intended to have
the update done for the one-year anniversary of the site, but despite
Dave’s regular nagging, I wasted my time playing Warcraft III instead.
But hey, it’s done, it’s here… and it looks almost as good as a Free-Porn
site (at least we don’t have pop-up ads for penis enlargement pills… yet). Take
a look around, and see what we’ve done to the place. Stop by the Flicks
page to see what we’ve done, or cruise around the gallery and marvel at
our l33t photoshop skillz (now that I’ve got a website, I’m qualified
to speak l33t). We’ve even set up an online poll for you to vote in!!! So
why don’t you just start clicking on stuff and make yourself feel at home?
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